Confessions of a Crazy 1st-Kid-in-School Mom

Yesterday was the big day: Madelyn's first day of kindergarten! To be totally honest, I wasn't really all that well-prepared. Despite the fact that I've had, you know, 5.5 years to prepare or so. But between the move, the vacation so close to the start of school, etc., I just didn't quite have all my ducks in row - either mentally or in terms of physical gear. The physical gear wasn't such a big issue; after all, I figured that if they decide to tell you a day and a half in advance that the kids can't wear open toe shoes in the 98 degree weather (and half of your life happens to be in boxes), it surely can't be a horrific violation to have to make do with sandals for the first day until you can track down some shoes. But as for the mental piece, that's a different story.

My sweet Madelyn was SO excited to go to school. She picked out her outfit - a special dress bought by Grammy on their back to school shopping trip together - and got herself right up and dressed, brushed her teeth, washed her face, and was practically skipping to get to the car. On the drive to school, I asked her if she was excited. She responded immediately, "YES! I've been waiting for this for a WHOLE YEAR!" and could barely contain herself. For the first day, I was allowed to walk her down to her classroom to meet her teacher; but parents were not allowed into the classroom, for fear that it causes greater separation issues. Maddie eagerly sat down with her classmates in the hall, said hello to her teacher, and waved goodbye to me with a loud, "See you later Mom!!"

I'm not one who cries easily, and call me unsentimental, but I didn't cry yesterday either, really. I felt a bit of a sting in the corner of my eyes as I walked out, but the bigger feeling was one of having just been sucker punched right in the gut. I just felt this huge wall of anxiety - this awful feeling that I was leaving my baby, my firstborn, with these total strangers. These people that were now telling me that she would have to be dropped off in the car lane (no parents in the school afer week 1, please!)...would have to buy her own milk at lunch...would be registered as tardy after the late bell rang at 7:45 (seriously? my little BABY?)...would have to gather up all of her own things, and deal with her own issues, and spend a whopping 7 hours a day completely out of my care. And after the wall of anxiety hit, and the teariness had passed, I just kind of got ticked off about the whole thing. Just a little indignant - if irrational - feeling that I just forked over my baby's childhood at the door. And truly, I've been a little bit depressed ever since.

I'd like to say that Madelyn had a great first day and so I feel a whole lot better about school now. But when Brad picked her up, she got in and said school was fun, but that a little girl had told her she was "the rudest little creature ever!" Madelyn, who is honest to a fault when it comes to relaying incidents like this, was completely shocked as she didn't know the child's name, hadn't even spoken to her, and was simply standing next to her at her cubby. This is her version of the story, and I really do believe her. So Madelyn, who is not shy about standing up for herself (thank goodness! It's my mission to raise strong, self-confident girls!), said "Hey, that's not nice to say!" The little girl replied with a bratty, "YES IT IS!" and Maddie again said, "NO, it's not!" So the girl said again, "Well, you're still the rudest little creature EVER!" So needless to say, Maddie shook it off - but she's the kind of kid who will think about it over and over, and wonder why it happened, what she could have done, etc. Not that that's like her mother, or anything... So she was really bothered by it and we had to do a lot of talking about it last night, and a lot of hugging. Fortunately, she was still looking forward to going today.

This same little girl caused another issue for Madelyn today, when she apparently laughted at Madelyn's nose. Maddie asked her to please note laugh at her, and explained that she had fallen and hit her nose jumping on the bed while we were on vacation a few weeks ago. Truthfully there's nothing left of the injury, but she did get a bit of a sunburn on the tip of her nose the other day where the scab had come off. I'm happy to be raising a kid who (in my opinion) handled both of these situations ok, but I hope this isn't the start of some bully type issues this year.

Add that to the fact that I'm just not getting warm fuzzy feelings from her teacher, and I'm feeling a little less than excited about school. I'm trying to hold off judgement until after the first week, at least. But I really do miss my girl terribly during the day, even while I'm working, and wish I could be there to help her get through all that is new and different in life right now. She loves school by default, so let's hope her bubbly enthusiasm and generally excited disposition returns soon. Of course all moms just want their kids to be happy - and I'm certainly no exception!

School Stuff

I'm heading in to work late tomorrow morning in an attempt to get Maddie's kindergarden situation straightened out. I'm trying not to stress about it, but the fact is she still doesn't have a school assignment and most people I know with kids her age have been to some sort of "meet the teacher" event, orientation program, etc. And school here starts August 19th...just one short month from today. Add to the fact that I'm just generally not ready to be the mom of a school-aged child, and you can see how I might be a little uptight about all of it.

For anyone who doesn't know the situation: the schools in Northest Arkansas are extremely crowded. They area adding a new elementary school every year or two in the two primary districts (Rogers and Bentonville), but the area has just grown so much over the past 5-10 years - and continues to do so at record rates, in terms of children entering the schools - that in spite of the new schools, they are continuously at or above capacity. The state of Arkansas has legislation about the number of physical bodies allowed in a classroom; once that max is reached (it's somewhere in the low 20s), they cannot put another child in the class, no matter how many teachers, assistants, etc. are available to help with the class. The home that we purchased is in a neighborhood that has some of the highest demand in the Bentonville school district, though it is geographically located in the town of Rogers. As a result, moving here in July meant that the two elementary schools that Madelyn would be districted for are 100% full with long waiting lists. While we've known for some time that we would be moving, the school districts here require two different proofs of permanent residence in order to allow registration due to the high demand. So there was no way to register her earlier.

Of course the district has to provide schooling for all children, so there obviously was an alternative for Maddie. But, she would have been bussed to the neighboring town of Bella Vista, which would have required a bus transfer, a very long ride, and getting on the bus at some very early hour like 6:30 AM. In my mind, just not an option. She's 5, people! And since this state has full day kindergarden, she would have gone from basically being a kid who spends most of her days playing to a kid spending all of her days at school or on the bus. Just seemed sad to me, honestly. And that's without taking into account that she would be in a different school than most of the neighbor kids.

To avoid the Bentonville situation, we went ahead and applied for a transfer to the Rogers school district. The request was granted, but we don't find out what specific school she will be going to until August 1st. And I'm hearing that the school we are closest to, which also had one of the best reputations in the state, is looking like it's already at capacity for kindergarden. Location is key, since we will now be responsible for providing all of her transportation to and from school since we're not technically a resident in the district. SO... tomorrow is the first day that students who are new to the district can register. And you can bet I'm going to be there with bells on at 9 AM, hoping (ok, maybe begging?) for a slot at Bellview, right near our house. I will feel so much better when we have her registered officially and when we have a school we can show her definitively!

So much for a nice Sunday at church!

Venting big time here... We've had a terrible morning so far. We decided to venture out and try a new church, and had heard that the First United Methodist Church in Bentonville was nice for people with young families. Now, we are obviously church goers and our kids have been in church a million times. They are also pretty well behaved normally when we're out in public. So why is it that I'm completely bummed out and humiliated after today's experience?

The kids were horrible. Completely unacceptable. To the point where eventually, Brad had to leave and take them out of church. I wanted to leave too, but to save face a bit and NOT appear as if we had no control over our kids and our morning whatsoever (and because of course here in NW Arkansas, it's very possible - even likely - that I know one or more families in the congregation through work), I ended up finishing out the church service while Brad took the three kids (monsters??) outside for a walk. I could hear Sienna screaming even after they left. Nice.

So, we were "those people" this morning. I had a 5.5 year old who couldn't sit still for an hour and insisted on being on someone's lap at all times; a 3.5 year old who was throwing tantrums in the sanctuary; and a 2 year old that would not stop talking for one minute. Cute normally of course, and you forgive her because she's 2, but seriously - everyone always talks about how quiet she is, and she picks CHURCH to decide to be the chattiest kid you've ever seen. Despite having a paci! They dropped pencils, changed seats a hundred times, kicked the pew in front of them, and talked through every prayer.

If I could have crawled under the pew and not come out, I would have. :-(

I'm feeling whiny. Sometimes it's just so.much.work having three kids 5 and under! Of course the semon built off the first hymn, "Lord of the Dance," and the minister was challenging everyone to think about what mindset they come to chuch with...what are you thinking when you sit down to pray in church? What were you thinking when you came up for communion? Were you ready to dance? You need to take charge of your attitude towards worship, etc., etc. Seriously? My answer to that: Well pastor, I couldn't hear anything you were saying. And so number one, I was thinking I wished I could hear over the two year old talking nonstop in my ear. But given that her talking was the least of my issues, what I was actually thinking was: how long until we can bolt? It surely didn't help that all the other children in the sanctuary, no matter what their ages, were sitting angelically the entire time. And I kept thinking, we're in the South now. Church is serious business.

So the kids are in trouble, and they know it. They're playing quietly in their rooms and not even giving us a hard time about it. I think they actually get that they pushed the limits way too far. And Brad and I just had a chat about whether we're failing as parents, whether we're too lenient, allow to many compromises/negotiations, etc. What a fun way to start the morning.

Oh, and as an endnote...I do know that the point of church is not to have perfect kids, it's about the message, blah blah blah. But still, vent stands!

Managing

That's all I can say for today: we were managing. Brad left for a business trip last night, after only a couple of days in Arkansas. BUMMER. He was so disappointed. I felt really bad for him, because I think he was having a good weekend and really hated to leave 1) on a holiday weekend and 2) when we hadn't even really settled into the temporary house yet. But it was a mandatory company meeting at a customer site for a huge security contract, and hey - sometimes that's just the way it goes. We manage.

So despite all of my best efforts, I didn't manage to line up child care completetely right. It turns out I had a one day gap in coverage, which was today. In my opinion, that's really pretty amazing, considering I've been trying to secure coverage from 1,600 miles away! We have someone lined up for the month of July, starting tomorrow, and then our permanent nanny is most likely going to start the second week of August, after get back from a MUCH needed vacation. Hooray!!

So the kids went a little stir crazy while I tried to work and take care of them, and the problem was amplified a bit by the fact that we don't have any toys yet in this temporary house. Can't wait for the truck to get to Arkansas and make a bit of a delivery! In the end, I gave up around 3 and took them all to the neighborhood pool, which made them three very happy little girls. I was nervous -- bringing three kids to the pool alone is a challenge for me due to the lack of hands on deck, but after a thorough prepping by me on expectations (along with a threat for good measure that we would not be going back again if they did not stay with me, get out when I asked, etc.) I'm happy to report that the kids were really well behaved. We had a great time, and Maddie was thrilled with herself for making really good progress on her underwater swimming. She was swimming about 15 feet today without coming up for a breath, which is fantastic for her!

We made it home by 5 in time for Mr. Steve the realtor to come by and pick up our earnest money check for the new house. After the kids went to bed, my "real" work day began...and after a solid 3.5 hours or so, I'm finally ready to retire. Sleepy, very sleepy. Happy that Brad arrived home at about 10:45 tonight and that I've got a sitter coming tomorrow morning. Sad, though, that as of tomorrow, I'm officially back to being an office worker. I'm sure that will generate a post or two...

Little Ears are Everywhere!

Now that the kids are getting a little older, I really have to remind myself that little hears can hear a whole lot! It's amazing how much the kids pick up on, and even more amazing still when they might decide to drag up some of the information they know or have heard.

Sienna has been the source of a lot of laughs lately with what she comes out with -- all of which serve as reminders that even little kids DO listen...at least selectively. We were in church yesterday and the minister was giving the sermon, talking about a scripture lesson that included a man named Jonathan. While doodling on the bulletin we gave her with a pencil from the back of the pew, Sienna all of the sudden whispered (very loudy!), "MOM... he's talking about JONATHAN!" and I knew immediately that she was referring to out next door neighbor. I told her that she was right, he had been speaking about Jonathan - but it was a different Jonathan than her friend next door. A minute later, the minister went on to say '...and Jonathan was killed." Ok, a bit above the two year old, I thought. But Sienna stops drawing once again and turns to me with huge eyes and says, "MOM!! Jonathan was KILLED???" I didn't know whether to be amazed that she was actually listening to the sermon or concerned that she was hearing things a little over her head in church, but in the end it made me laugh.

I got my second little Sienna surprise of the day when we were driving home from church and all of the sudden Si started singing the following:

"I kissed a girl, I kissed a girl! Taste of her Cherry Chex..." repeat, repeat, repeat....

Obviously Sienna has taken in (in very short order!) the lyrics "I Kissed A Girl" by Katy Perry, which comes on the radio sometimes while we're driving. She hasn't got it quite right, but close enough! (You can tell that Chex is one of her favorites, LOL.) Last week I was fairly flippant in my response to a question about whether that was the kind of song I would let my girls listen to. But something about hearing your 2 year old singing does just sort of bring the topic front and center, huh? Another prime example of little ears picking up on everything!

Maddie gave me a good reminder today that even if some kids stories are funny to me, it may not be so fun for the kids to hear me recounting them to people. Last week at Sunday School Maddie was told all about the kids in foreign countries (India, Haiti, Kenya) that the Sunday School is going to be sponsoring through their donations, which will go to helping kids that are not as fortunate as those in her class. At the end of class, I asked M what she had learned and she handed me the info. sheet, answering "You're going to have to spend a LOT of money!" It totally cracked me up, and I've told the story to my mom, etc. and recounted it to the Sunday School teacher today. I just thought it was cute, and yeah, funny to that the prime message she took away seem to be that Mom and Dad were going to have to pay a lot of money...somehow I doubted that was the primary message! In any event, it must have been bothering M to overhear me telling the story, because this morning she got a bit sulky and when I asked her what was wrong, she said, " I don't want you to tell everyone that I said you were going to have to pay a lot of money! I don't want you to tell people that story, I don't like it!" I instantly felt bad and wanted to acknowledge that she was right, and I was wrong -- I didn't mean anything by telling the story, but I did tell her that I was sorry and that I would not tell people again if it bothered her. She does seem very concerned that people are going to laugh at her for some reason, and I definitely felt bad. At 4.5, she is certainly old enough to know and appreciate when she is being talked about! So key lesson learned: Mom needs to be a little bit more careful when telling stories around little ears!

Paci Free!!!

I was inspired by my friend Andrea, whose daughter is the same age as Sienna and did a great job a couple of weeks ago giving up her pacifier when it was lost. We have been struggling SO much with Sienna and the paci lately, because it's become such an addiction for her that it was interfering in day to day life, it seemed. We only let her have it when she's going for a nap or to bed, so she has been asking to go for a nap constantly throughout the day, just to get the paci. I'd taken to hiding them beneath her pillow in the crib, but then she figured out how to use a toy fishing rod to get under the pillow and "fish" them out. And then she had developed this strange ritual before bed of always wanting me to wash them both (she has a pink one and a purple one) before she'd go to sleep. Anyhow...

We decided enough was enough. She is a very big talker, and it had gotten to the point where she would be talking around her paci and it just seemed like it couldn't be good for speech development. Plus, I have this theory that her behavior has been worse as of late because she's constantly obsessing over the paci and having tantrums (and you all know that her tantrums are legendary, sometimes make-myself-faint kind of events!) when she doesn't get them.

Monday night, we packed up all three kids and had Sienna put her paci's in a Ziploc baggie, then headed to the toy store so she could pick something out and "pay" for it with her paci's. She immediately fell in love with Dora's magical castle, and it happened to be on super sale. So after casing the whole store (Have to admit I was trying to get her to buy a baby doll or a stuffed animal - like we did with Maddie - so she would have something for comfort at night in place of the paci. No dice!) we left with the castle and she was in heaven. She was SO incredibly good in the store, it was just the best trip to a toy store that we've ever had. Even with all three kids, and two of them walking instead of being in a stroller!

At bedtime, Sienna remembered that she had given the pacis to the cashier (who looked at me like I had three heads when I asked him to just take her pacis in payment and then give them back to me when she wasn't looking), but she wasn't happy about the fact that he had them. She also remembered that we had one left that we couldn't find before leaving for the toy store, so she was pretty adamant that we should look for it. It took a little convincing, but after only about 10 minutes, she went to bed without much fuss. Naptime the next day was a bit harder, but after 3 nights we are now completely paci free...and she's not even asking for it anymore! HOORAY!!

Thanks for the inspiration, Andrea!!!

I. Am. Tired.

Have I mentioned lately how tired parenting makes me? We just got home from taking the kids to the library, and stopping at McD's on the way home since it was getting late. I had somewhat of an ulterior motive though... I wanted to take out some parenting books to help give some guidance with Sienna. Man, does she wear us out.

Sienna is such a challenge -- she's so adorable and cuddly/lovable, but she's also such a handful and already a discipline challenge. She's very verbal and has been having tantrums since she was about 13 months old, but now she's becoming a force to be reckoned with. I always thought tantrums had to do with frustration over NOT being able to speak, but it seems like the more verbal Sienna becomes the more difficult her behavior is. Even the phrases she chooses to use can be fairly fresh...if that's possible at 20 months old?

Tonight, we were coming home from the library and I had to reach back to give Lyla her paci. I undid my seat belt and reached back, and Sienna looked at me and yelled "SIT DOWN! Sit down, Mommy!" I asked her the other day if she could help pick up toys, and she said, "Maybeeee...." as if to say, "maybe, maybe NOT!" Then, I had her sitting at the counter to eat lunch and she yelled "RIGHT NOW!" out of the blue. I asked her what she wanted right now, and she said "I want more grapes. RIGHT NOW!" I swear, I do not think she is getting this from us -- but it gives me such a guilt complex thinking that we're teaching her bad stuff already!

She's also very independent. You can hardly do anything for her; she'll say "I do it. Do it MYSELF." about pretty much everything, from feeding to reading a book. She's the one who will take off her own diaper and get into the poop if you don't get her a new diaper quick enough (eww, just had another smearing incident yesterday); she's the one who will look at you and giggle menacingly when you tell her to do something, then do exactly the opposite; but yet she is the one who will be the first to yell "TIME OUT!" when Madelyn does something wrong -- so she clearly gets the idea of discipline.

At the same time, she is so sweet. She always, always says "please" and "thank you" for everything, and she says "excuse me" and "bless you" after sneezes. She never goes to bed without asking for one more hug. She never lets anyone leave the house without asking them for a hug, either. She says "I wuv you" regularly and just makes your heart melt.

So I'm hoping these toddler discipline books will help shed some light. Maybe we're just approaching it all wrong. I know it's easy to have selective memory, but I can say with absolute certainty that by this age, Maddie was listening and following directions a lot more than Sienna is. I know Sienna gets it -- because she acknowledges you and does just the opposite -- but she just isn't interested in following directions when it's not something she wants to do. And I'm not even getting into the tantrums, which are just world class.

I better get reading so we can save a little bit of sanity for when Lyla hits the toddler years...