Confessions of a Crazy 1st-Kid-in-School Mom

Yesterday was the big day: Madelyn's first day of kindergarten! To be totally honest, I wasn't really all that well-prepared. Despite the fact that I've had, you know, 5.5 years to prepare or so. But between the move, the vacation so close to the start of school, etc., I just didn't quite have all my ducks in row - either mentally or in terms of physical gear. The physical gear wasn't such a big issue; after all, I figured that if they decide to tell you a day and a half in advance that the kids can't wear open toe shoes in the 98 degree weather (and half of your life happens to be in boxes), it surely can't be a horrific violation to have to make do with sandals for the first day until you can track down some shoes. But as for the mental piece, that's a different story.

My sweet Madelyn was SO excited to go to school. She picked out her outfit - a special dress bought by Grammy on their back to school shopping trip together - and got herself right up and dressed, brushed her teeth, washed her face, and was practically skipping to get to the car. On the drive to school, I asked her if she was excited. She responded immediately, "YES! I've been waiting for this for a WHOLE YEAR!" and could barely contain herself. For the first day, I was allowed to walk her down to her classroom to meet her teacher; but parents were not allowed into the classroom, for fear that it causes greater separation issues. Maddie eagerly sat down with her classmates in the hall, said hello to her teacher, and waved goodbye to me with a loud, "See you later Mom!!"

I'm not one who cries easily, and call me unsentimental, but I didn't cry yesterday either, really. I felt a bit of a sting in the corner of my eyes as I walked out, but the bigger feeling was one of having just been sucker punched right in the gut. I just felt this huge wall of anxiety - this awful feeling that I was leaving my baby, my firstborn, with these total strangers. These people that were now telling me that she would have to be dropped off in the car lane (no parents in the school afer week 1, please!)...would have to buy her own milk at lunch...would be registered as tardy after the late bell rang at 7:45 (seriously? my little BABY?)...would have to gather up all of her own things, and deal with her own issues, and spend a whopping 7 hours a day completely out of my care. And after the wall of anxiety hit, and the teariness had passed, I just kind of got ticked off about the whole thing. Just a little indignant - if irrational - feeling that I just forked over my baby's childhood at the door. And truly, I've been a little bit depressed ever since.

I'd like to say that Madelyn had a great first day and so I feel a whole lot better about school now. But when Brad picked her up, she got in and said school was fun, but that a little girl had told her she was "the rudest little creature ever!" Madelyn, who is honest to a fault when it comes to relaying incidents like this, was completely shocked as she didn't know the child's name, hadn't even spoken to her, and was simply standing next to her at her cubby. This is her version of the story, and I really do believe her. So Madelyn, who is not shy about standing up for herself (thank goodness! It's my mission to raise strong, self-confident girls!), said "Hey, that's not nice to say!" The little girl replied with a bratty, "YES IT IS!" and Maddie again said, "NO, it's not!" So the girl said again, "Well, you're still the rudest little creature EVER!" So needless to say, Maddie shook it off - but she's the kind of kid who will think about it over and over, and wonder why it happened, what she could have done, etc. Not that that's like her mother, or anything... So she was really bothered by it and we had to do a lot of talking about it last night, and a lot of hugging. Fortunately, she was still looking forward to going today.

This same little girl caused another issue for Madelyn today, when she apparently laughted at Madelyn's nose. Maddie asked her to please note laugh at her, and explained that she had fallen and hit her nose jumping on the bed while we were on vacation a few weeks ago. Truthfully there's nothing left of the injury, but she did get a bit of a sunburn on the tip of her nose the other day where the scab had come off. I'm happy to be raising a kid who (in my opinion) handled both of these situations ok, but I hope this isn't the start of some bully type issues this year.

Add that to the fact that I'm just not getting warm fuzzy feelings from her teacher, and I'm feeling a little less than excited about school. I'm trying to hold off judgement until after the first week, at least. But I really do miss my girl terribly during the day, even while I'm working, and wish I could be there to help her get through all that is new and different in life right now. She loves school by default, so let's hope her bubbly enthusiasm and generally excited disposition returns soon. Of course all moms just want their kids to be happy - and I'm certainly no exception!

We have a school!! Woohoo!

Tuesday finally produced some great results in the school area...we got Madelyn registered for kindergarten! YAY! It wasn't without drama, though. I took her to Bellview Elementary at 8:45, in anticipation of registration beginning at 9. Of course, there were already parents there ahead of me and working away like busy little beavers registering their children, but not too many. I brought M with me figuring she might help a bit by showing her cuteness and wowing the receptionist and any other staff in attendance with her manners, winning smile, etc. ;-) I was feeling a bit desperate, and anything was worth giving a try! What I had sort of forgotten about was that Maddie has really never been in an elementary school before. So while we've been talking about school starting, going to K, etc., actually stepping into that elementary school was quite a shock for her. I saw her just looking around with big wide eyes while he headed for the office, and when we settled into the cafeteria to fill our forms she just looked around and said to me, "THIS is where all the kids eat lunch?" The sheer size of it all compared to her 9-child private pre-k school and classroom was pretty overwhelming at first!

After Maddie waited fairly patiently while I filled out about a million forms, we turned them in and then had to basically get "processed" by the receptionist. Here's where the fun began... they weren't happy with my proofs of residency, of which they require two...didn't seem to understand that no, we don't have a rental agreement OR utility bills because those are being paid directly by Unilever, etc. They wanted an actual social security card, not just her number...we lost that back in Chicago somewhere, and frankly - who the heck asks for an actual card anymore when you have the number, a birth certificate, a passport, and the actual child sitting right there in front of you? Maddie started to get impatient at this point (understandably!), but fortunately there was another very sweet woman working in the office who kindly volunteered to take Maddie to the kindergarten wing for a little tour. The receptionist and I finished up, and in the end she told me that we needed to come back with a copy of the district's approval or transfer letter, but that other than that - we were good to go and should come back the day before school starts at 4 PM to find out what teacher she has, followed by an ice cream social. Nothing like waiting until the last minute!

We left, and Maddie was adorable on the way out. She only spent about 10 minutes touring with the office assistant, but as we walked out she showed me all of the rooms she had seen, told me about the music room, the art room, etc., and really seemed to be excited about starting. When we got in the car, she asked me, "So? Are they going to let me go to this school, Mom?"

Well...I thought the answer was yes, though I was a bit tentative. So I wasn't all that surprised when I got a call from the district office (vs. the school office) several hours later telling me that they had heard from the school, knew we had registered at Bellview - as we should have - but that we would have to wait until August 1st to find out where she would be accepted to school. This is because while we are living in the Bellview area now in our temporary house, when we move to our permanent address she will be a district transfer. And they only had a few spaces left in the K classes, which they wanted to reserve for actual district students. Sigh.

Long story short, we went back and forth on the subject, and the district office really seemed conflicted about what to do about her situation. After several phone calls within the district that went all the way to the school principal and then the district superintendent, the district office called me back late in the day to say they had decided to accept Madelyn into Bellview Elementary. Yahoo!! This is the best elementary school in the state, so I'm very happy with this; not to mention the fact that she will be a "car rider" since she resides out of district, but this elementary school is very close to our new house. So...with her K school supply list in hand and an actual school to set sights on, Maddie and I are both looking forward to spending Friday afternoon together having lunch and going back to school shopping. I always loved going with my mom before school started each year, and I think Maddie is excited too!

School Stuff

I'm heading in to work late tomorrow morning in an attempt to get Maddie's kindergarden situation straightened out. I'm trying not to stress about it, but the fact is she still doesn't have a school assignment and most people I know with kids her age have been to some sort of "meet the teacher" event, orientation program, etc. And school here starts August 19th...just one short month from today. Add to the fact that I'm just generally not ready to be the mom of a school-aged child, and you can see how I might be a little uptight about all of it.

For anyone who doesn't know the situation: the schools in Northest Arkansas are extremely crowded. They area adding a new elementary school every year or two in the two primary districts (Rogers and Bentonville), but the area has just grown so much over the past 5-10 years - and continues to do so at record rates, in terms of children entering the schools - that in spite of the new schools, they are continuously at or above capacity. The state of Arkansas has legislation about the number of physical bodies allowed in a classroom; once that max is reached (it's somewhere in the low 20s), they cannot put another child in the class, no matter how many teachers, assistants, etc. are available to help with the class. The home that we purchased is in a neighborhood that has some of the highest demand in the Bentonville school district, though it is geographically located in the town of Rogers. As a result, moving here in July meant that the two elementary schools that Madelyn would be districted for are 100% full with long waiting lists. While we've known for some time that we would be moving, the school districts here require two different proofs of permanent residence in order to allow registration due to the high demand. So there was no way to register her earlier.

Of course the district has to provide schooling for all children, so there obviously was an alternative for Maddie. But, she would have been bussed to the neighboring town of Bella Vista, which would have required a bus transfer, a very long ride, and getting on the bus at some very early hour like 6:30 AM. In my mind, just not an option. She's 5, people! And since this state has full day kindergarden, she would have gone from basically being a kid who spends most of her days playing to a kid spending all of her days at school or on the bus. Just seemed sad to me, honestly. And that's without taking into account that she would be in a different school than most of the neighbor kids.

To avoid the Bentonville situation, we went ahead and applied for a transfer to the Rogers school district. The request was granted, but we don't find out what specific school she will be going to until August 1st. And I'm hearing that the school we are closest to, which also had one of the best reputations in the state, is looking like it's already at capacity for kindergarden. Location is key, since we will now be responsible for providing all of her transportation to and from school since we're not technically a resident in the district. SO... tomorrow is the first day that students who are new to the district can register. And you can bet I'm going to be there with bells on at 9 AM, hoping (ok, maybe begging?) for a slot at Bellview, right near our house. I will feel so much better when we have her registered officially and when we have a school we can show her definitively!